Episode three is a good one, for a number of reasons. The first is that it has a good plot; but the second, and much more important reason, is that it's the episode that introduces us to Sylvia van Buren. Sylvia, played by Ann Robinson, was the heroine of the 1953 movie version of The War Of The Worlds. She fought against the aliens alongside the movie's hero, Clayton Forrester, and was something of a surrogate mother to poor little orphaned Harrison. Having acquired remarkable insight into the alien way of life, she became convinced that they were going to return one day, and was declared insane and committed. Hence she's quite useful to have around, if a little unpredictable.

The other great thing about Sylvia is that Ann Robinson is one of those old school Hollywood actresses. Consequently she is quite clearly appearing in a different production to the rest of the cast. They're all making a dark, eighties sci-fi; and she's doing a nineteen fifties melodrama, complete with all the wild facial expressions and drastic overacting. She's wonderful. It's a shame they couldn't have had her on every week.

Anyway, here we go with the photo story.


Alien hillbilly!


Alien hillbilly with a death ray!


And it's a steampunk one too - or whatever you call the nineteen eighties version of steampunk. It's cool, anyhow.


Sylvia van Buren, drama queen.


And her awesome graffiti.


Sylvia has Paramount TV's publicity shot of Jared Martin on her bedside table. Which is nice. I wonder if she sent off for it.


She also has a photo of Clayton Forrester, which I suppose is a nice piece of continuity, if I must be charitable.

Gene Barry of course will not be appearing in this series, presumably on the grounds that Jared Martin is taller than he is.


Harrison goes to meet with Sylvia. This is a lovely scene. He's accompanied by Ironhorse, who has insisted on going along to meet with Harrison's source on security grounds: "in case you die suddenly." Harrison's fabulously irreverent behaviour, in the face of Ironhorse's determined attempts to be Mr Military 1988, is such fun.


Meanwhile, in a peculiar (and very brief) attempt to become friends, they call each other "Harrison" and "Paul". For the duration of the car journey.


Sylvia helpfully tells "Harry" that the aliens are back, which it's fair to say is something he's probably noticed. It's cool that she knows, though. Although not for her, since it's sent her mad again.


Meanwhile, the alien hillbillies have taken over a prison hockey team, in an attempt to get over the Canadian border.


The aliens' transmissions have been intercepted by Harrison and the team, so Harrison whizzes back to Sylvia, to see if she can speak Alienese. She can, but only whilst gurning.


Hello.


Norton does something clever. What, I don't remember, but it probably involved finding out where the team is supposed to go next.


Alien goalie.


Why you should never try to score while there's an alien in goal.


The prison guards turn the alien goalie into alien goalie soup. The rest of the aliens just walk off, though. Which, given that they're all supposed to be prisoners, doesn't say much for security.


A family of tourists is the alien hockey team's next disguise. Since they're all pretty dreadful actors, this is entirely fair. Also, their little boy has Star Trek: The Next Generation action figures, so is clearly asking for it.


The little boy, who was not present during the takeover, returns to a car full of aliens pretending to be his parents and grandmother. He is not overjoyed.


Especially when they make him eat nothing but lettuce.


The world is not looking.


The alien family arrive at a Canadian army base, massacre everything in sight, and then head for a very pretty lake. There are aliens hibernating in it, apparently. When Harrison and co turn up moments later, the base is on high alert post-massacre. But never fear, for Colonel Ironhorse is in charge.


This turns out about as well as expected.


Mind you, it does give Harrison and Ironhorse another opportunity to glare at each other. They enjoy that.


Harrison then hypnotises the guard, in order to escape.


Scary Alien Granny emerges from the lake, having contacted the hibernating troops.


Hello, hibernating troops.


With the team having once again found themselves elbow-deep in aliens, Ironhorse goes for the heavy artillery.


Norton is not as happy about this as I am.


But Harrison has a plan, and fixes explosives to a nearby pylon thing.


Boom! Well, more fizz, actually, but still.


This leads to a deadly outbreak of special effects.


And the aliens all cook. Much to good ol' Pacifist Harrison's apparent satisfaction.


Bye bye hibernating troops.


And bye bye all the human hosts that had been collected for them, which numbered several hundred. Lots escaped, having been taken over already. Lots fried. And, noticeably, didn't turn to soup, which rather suggests that they got fried pre-takeover. Oops.

Whether that error lies with Harrison or the production company is anybody's guess, though.


They look like ducks, but they're actually dozens of dead bodies, honest.


Harrison suddenly remembers that he's a pacifist, and has a moment of reflection. Then presumably starts plotting his next massacre.

So it's another far from complete victory for the team. Plenty of aliens are now dead, but plenty aren't, and are busy about their work. Originally this episode was to end with poor little Bobby, the small boy from above, heading off in a bus full of newly awakened aliens. Paramount made the producers snip that bit, though. Spoilsports.
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