Xenon's Seventh Circle

28. Most surprising moment

It's not really a show that does surprising, but there is one bit that I think was probably supposed to be. It's certainly a huge surprise for Adam, but not to anybody who has watched as much television as I have! So I have to wonder if it was ever intended to be truly surprising to the audience. It's difficult to judge from nearly fifty years on.

In the pilot episode, we learn that Adam was frozen in his block of carbonite iceberg or whatever, by his deadly nemesis, after being betrayed by the love of his life. Her name is Louise, and she's revealed to have been in league with the enemy all along (that in itself might have been a nice surprise, had we met her for more than ten seconds prior to the revelation!) In one of the series two episodes, "Black Echo", Adam meets an ancient woman lurking in an old stately home; and, yes, it's Louise. Adam is of course shaken to the core by her appearance. He assumed her long dead, along with everybody else he used to know. However I think a modern viewer is pretty much inured to this kind of thing. We've become too familiar with every cliché. In the sixties some of these things weren't clichés yet of course; but still it's hard to see it as a surprise. A good scene, but really not a surprise.

24. Crime against fashion

There are very few of these. "Miss Jones" gets some terrific outfits, all of which tend to suit her really well. Fortunately it's 1966, not 1976, so good taste still prevails. And Adam, of course, is always dressed well. So I'll go with the obvious, and choose any time that anybody wears fur. Sadly in the forefront of one particular episode, which makes this modern viewer cringe; but it is 1966.

25. Favourite quote(s)

I think I would have to choose "I find concussion quite invigorating", which I used to use as my signature on an internet forum. Adam is forever getting bashed over the head, and eventually he comes up with that line in response. It's so very Adam, and it goes so nicely with TV's habit of handing out serious head injuries to all and sundry, without any kind of ill effect.

20. Missing episode you would like to see found

If I could choose only one missing episode to come back, it would be "Ticket To Terror", since that's the only missing episode from series one, and it would be nice to have that complete. Also it sounds good. But most of series two is missing as well, and it would be very nice to have all of them back too. The scripts of the missing episodes are on the DVD set, and some of them do sound very good.

21. Best scene involving eating/drinking

Adam's dinners and luncheons, presided over by Simms, the valet/butler/court jester are always splendid affairs, but the best one is probably the picnic lunch in "The Village Of Evil". Of course they have a table and proper dinner service, despite being out in the wilds of the countryside. Adam likes to do these things properly. He even has a bottle of wine, chilled in the river. He looks so happy, sprawled at his table in the middle of nowhere, in his tweeds, with his wine and his cut-crystal glasses. The pair of them could give lessons in lunching.

15. Something that made you happy

I suspect that it would be something involving a swordfight. Yes, I know. Astonishment.

16. Something that made you sad

The fact that some git assassinated a whole lot of it.

17. Something that made you think

The whole premise is worth a thought. What would it be like to wake up in a different era? Adam was only asleep for some sixty-five years, but the early part of the twentieth century was a time of great change, so the world had moved on a great deal. 1966, the year in which he woke up, is nearly as far away now as the turn of the century was when the show first aired. Somebody from 1966 waking up now probably wouldn't suffer as much dislocation as Adam did, although the advancement of technology would take some adjusting to. Were Adam to wake up now instead, I don't think his modern day Georgina Jones would be quite so inclined to put up with his sexism, but in many ways his situation would be no different to how it was in 1966. All those big social changes happened in the first seventy or so years of the twentieth century; equality, permissiveness, health, housing, education, the decline of religion as a major factor in people's lives. So I don't think that Adam in 2014 would be majorly more jet-lagged than Adam in 1966. Might be fun seeing his reaction to Miley Cyrus, though...

18. Something that made you laugh

Every time Adam encounters a female crook. "But madam! You are a lady!" His disappointment with women who misbehave is brilliantly ridiculous.

10. How would you convert someone to your show?

Quite frankly, if they're not won over by the basic premise, or by the fact that it's about a bloke with a sword-stick, then there's no helping them. It's a show about a Victorian adventurer in 1966! He wears a cape! He fights with a sword-stick! Failing that, I'd show them episode #4, "The Sweet Smell Of Disaster". Everybody seems to love that one.

11. What show-related fan works would you like to see?

Putting on my pessimistic fan hat, I'm not sure that I would. Fandom is all about shipping these days, which is dull as ditchwater. There are a few fan-made videos on YouTube which are good, but I can't imagine that fanfic would be much fun. Nobody writes adventurey fanfic. It's all blasted shippery.

12. Best weapon

There's a sword-stick in a starring role, and you're asking me which is the best weapon?!

06. Best fight

The whole show is a fight! One long, glorious fight with a sword-stick. I love the sword fight in "The Terribly Happy Embalmers", where Adam is pitted against the grandson of the man who taught him to fence. "The Village Of Evil" has a lovely scene when he does pretty much have to tackle an entire village, as well as the old mill that they're holed up in. He has a heck of a fight on his hands in "Beauty Is An Ugly Word" as well, when he has to take on Sinoda's champion.

This is an insanely difficult question!

07. Favourite character moment

Any scene where Adam hurls himself, with gay abandon, into the latest bout of fisticuffs or sword swinging. He (and Gerald Harper) display such joy in those moments, and I would challenge any viewer not to smile as well.

08. Least favourite episode

Episode #3, "More Deadly Than The Sword", which is filled with crass Japanese stereotypes, and doesn't even try to have a decent storyline to make up for it.

03. Favourite regular character

Adam! Adam's great. He dashes heroically into battle with a cape and a sword-stick, and he wears the most splendid shoes. Gerald Harper plays him perfectly, with tongue just slightly in cheek, like a Boy's Own hero come to life. He's a bit ridiculous, but in all the right ways.

04. Favourite guest character

That's a tough question. John le Mesurier is as good as you'd expect as the oily Velmer in "The Terribly Happy Embalmers", and Peter Vaughan is extremely effective as crazed preacher Doctor Mort in "The Doomsday Plan". Then there's Peter Jeffrey as Sinoda, the beautiful-people-collecting nut from "Beauty Is An Ugly Word". I think I would choose Colin Jeavons, though, as fashion designer-gone-evil Roger Clair in "To Set A Deadly Fashion". He's brilliant, he really is.

Day thirty, the saddest character death. Well there's a cheerful one to end on. I had a long think about this, but there's no real contest in the end. Wes's death in Angel still makes me more angry than sad, and although Captain Sheridan's death (or going beyond the rim, if you prefer, which could mean almost anything) is beautifully done, I don't know that I would class it as sad. It's the natural conclusion for his character. So what can it be but that of Leo from The West Wing? If you were a fan of that show, you'll know what I mean. It wasn't just that Leo died, it was that John Spencer died too, which made it all the more real. Leo was a wonderful character. He was beautifully played and beautifully written, and he was a guy that it was impossible to dislike. And then John Spencer died, and Leo had to go too. I knew that it was coming, but I had no idea when, and then suddenly at the end of one episode, when everything had been so happy, he's discovered in his hotel room, and it's just so unbearably sad. I suppose it's worse because it was a long running series, and the characters were like old friends by the end of it. And I was so very fond of Leo. It's a sign of a good show when you care so much, but that doesn't lessen the sting. Poor Leo. I really did feel that loss.

Day twenty-eight, your first TV show obsession. My immediate thought when I read that was Bonanza or The Hardy Boys, which were both very early. If I'm being strictly honest though, I'd have to go back further than that, to when I was horribly small, and used to watch a show called Tarzan, Lord Of The Jungle. That's not the proper Tarzan (ie: black and white and can't talk properly). This was a cartoon series, far more faithful to the books, and based on Edgar Rice Burroughs' preferred illustrations. I have only the vaguest memories of it now, but I do know that I was besotted, mostly because of Tarzan's monkey friend N'Kima. I must have driven everybody nuts going on about monkeys, as my mother eventually bought me one, who I called N'Kima. I still have him (he says hello), and he's in remarkably good nick, despite never once managing to hold on to me during tree-swinging.

So there you go. I don't really remember the show at all, and poor old animated Tarzan got superceded pretty swiftly by Johnny Weissmuller and Lex Barker anyway, but N'Kima could never get superceded by anything. Although he does look a bit dusty right now, I must admit. I know, I'm cruel. In all fairness though, he doesn't seem to mind.

Day twenty-six, the most omg wtf season finale. Hmm. And switching to rant mode in 3... 2... 1...

I've mentioned the end of Angel season five before, but much as I hated that last episode, and also certain aspects of the whole season (mostly the bloody awful mind-wipe, which destroyed two years of plot and character development), it wasn't all bad. The crowning glory for finale disasters therefore has to fall upon Nip/Tuck season six, also the end of the series itself. I loved Nip/Tuck. It was a dark, funny, at times wonderfully insane story about two plastic surgeons, and the many people who came to them for help. In keeping with the theme of cosmetic surgery, it was a show all about façades, and about beauty only being skin deep. It had more subtext in one episode than a lot of shows manage in their entire lifetimes. Key to that were the two main characters, Christian and Sean. The show's publicity always emphasised that Christian was the bad boy, and Sean the good guy, but anybody who actually watched, knew that the reverse was really true. Sean was a moral vacuum, whose family life was a sham. Christian, on the other hand, was a deeply wounded abuse survivor, struggling to keep his life together. Sean was frequently highly judgemental about their clients; Christian never was. Christian also adored Sean, and would have done anything for him, a loyalty that Sean was never capable of matching.

And then came the final season. The creator had left, to focus on his new project Glee. Whoever had taken over apparently didn't give a damn about the show's history, or about the characters themselves. Suddenly Sean actually was the good guy. Also, after six seasons as an only child, he suddenly had a brother. The biggest change was Christian, though. Arguably he had finally collapsed under the weight of his own spiralling depression, but if so, it would have been nice to have seen it happen, rather than have his character change into a total bastard overnight. His on-again/off-again girlfriend committed suicide by throwing herself off a boat, which was both out of character and completely against the spirit of the show. Nip/Tuck always toyed with the dark, but a smile was never very far away. Suddenly all traces of light were gone. Christian became more and more objectionable, and Sean was treated like some poor little wounded soldier being beat up on by his partner. Then it ended, with neither a whimper nor a bang, in a fashion that the actors themselves objected to. It was a mess. And goodness only knows what happened to Christian's son, who vanished utterly. He was only about six, so he can't actually have left home, although by the end I wouldn't have blamed him for trying. So, for taking a gloriously twisted, fun show, and turning it into something truly unpleasant, with no internal logic or respect for its past, the award has to go to Nip/Tuck. But I heartily recommend the earlier seasons. At its height it was a colourful, wonderful, absolutely mental show, and I miss it. It deserved a much better end than it got.