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swordznsorcery Jul. 4th, 2011 22:43)
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King Arthur, and as much silver shiny stuff as you could possibly want, in a pair of episodes that manage to veer between the brilliant and the insanely daft more alarmingly than ever. You do love to drive me nuts, don't you, Irwin.
In the first episode, then, Merlin invades time tunnel HQ, and begins playing with Doug and Tony like his own personal chess pieces. This is a frustrating episode. Half of it is a great fun adventure. There's Vikings and battles and creeping about in castles, and of course there's the whole Arthurian legend to play about with. The boys get in real difficulties, and get really injured, and it makes properly dramatic and exciting viewing. Superimposed over the top, however, is a lot of nonsense about Merlin. I'm not objecting to the presence of a wizard. I didn't call myself Swordznsorcery for nothing. He's just written so terribly! He's annoying and childish, and his interruptions wind up being silly. Happily he can't ruin a good episode. He does hinder it rather, though.
And then we're off again, into an episode that really is silly, where Ann from time tunnel HQ is kidnapped, as bait to lure Doug and Tony into a trap. A race of silver beings (another one!) wants them as exhibits in a museum, and therefore plan to turn them into zombies. Doug and Tony would rather this didn't happen. Consequently there's lots of running around in a future, alien world, bedecked with splendid shiny things; whilst lots of buggy little silver aliens dash about the place with ray guns. It's so, so silly. Granted I wouldn't want it any different, but I reserve the right to giggle at it anyway.

Merlin does something zappy to the time tunnel.

This summons Doug and Tony back, and he waffles at them for half an hour before telling them that they won't remember any of it when they wake up. So why...? Never mind. He also tells them that they'll do whatever he asks. Presumably they will remember that bit.

A Viking!

Another Viking!

Fight!

More fighting!

King Arthur, allegedly. If this is The Once And Future King, then heaven help us all. He demands that Doug and Tony join his crusade against the Vikings.

... And why would we do this exactly?

Poor Arthur. He's clearly not used to being turned down. Although I can't imagine why.
Seriously, this is King Arthur?! They couldn't have hired anybody else?!

Fortunately for history (or a rough approximation of it), Merlin crops up and tells Doug and Tony to accept the job. So they do. And immediately...

Fight!

During the fight Doug gets poked in the shoulder. This apparently renders him dead. Or deadish.

Elsewhere, Tony and Arthur are outnumbered and overwhelmed. Tony seems remarkably unconcerned about Doug.

Although possibly he's too busy teleporting to notice what's happened.

Meet the Head Viking. Mr Head Viking has the most absurd hat ever. Where did he get those horns, for goodness sakes?! A Texas Longhorn? They're so big that they can only be seen properly when the camera pulls back.

Can't we have James Darren as King Arthur instead? It doesn't matter that he's American, really it doesn't.

Elsewhere, the writers have finally remembered that back in episode one they dropped hints about a relationship between Doug and tunnel HQ Ann. Certain that Doug is dead, Ann now begins to fall to pieces. I wouldn't usually care, it being tunnel HQ business and all, but it's nice to see them remember something that happened back in episode one.

Meanwhile, Tony is doing his "heating up the iron" trick again, and is able to snap his chain. He's lucky the Vikings are thoughtful enough to leave torches in the dungeons for their prisoners, isn't he. He's also very lucky that iron was clearly total rubbish back in the Dark Ages.

Not-Yet-Queen Guinevere. And her amazing Princess Leia hair.

She's been looking after Doug, who is not as dead as we had been led to believe. For a change.

Merlin pops up and cures him, so that he can go and fight some more Vikings for a bit.

Having set fire to his cell to get the guard's attention, Tony is also fighting Vikings. He rescues Arthur, and they sneak into a secret room to plan their next move.

However a Viking sees them, and rushes off to tell his Viking boss.

Doug and Guinevere plot how best to rescue Tony and Arthur.

Whilst Tony and Arthur bond in their secret hideaway.

Until they're interrupted. That may be a slight overkill of swords there.

Meanwhile, Doug is back fighting Vikings again, and having about as much success at it this time as last.

Captured, Guinevere is of no use.

Dangly!Tony.

Dangly!Doug.

Guinevere is menaced by the World's Silliest Hat. I was just wondering how on earth he gets through doors, when we get given a lovely example. Throw two of them open at once and hope for the best, would seem to be the answer.

Tony rouses, and is heartened to see Doug. "You are here. I thought I was dreaming," he says. Aw. Tony has dreams about Doug. Although it might be more cheering to have dreams where he isn't chained to a dungeon wall.

Really, honestly, anybody would be an improvement. Anybody. At all.

Everybody dangles. There's a pleasing lack of hope here. Tony and Arthur are clearly in a bad way. Tony even admits that they've "had a rough time", which coming from a man who claimed to be fine after being shot in the head, is probably saying a lot.

Things are about to get worse though, as the World's Silliest Hat turns up to mock them for a bit. It then orders them killed.

Which for some reason has to involve arrows. Wouldn't a sword be quicker, and a lot more practical?

Imminent shooting has brought out Tony's inner Marlon Brando.

Oh dear.

"I was delayed!" claims Merlin. How reassuring. Anyway, he turns back time to save Arthur, but claims that he can't break them out of the dungeon. There are rules, apparently. Hmm.

He doesblow them up free them from their chains, though.

And then we're in an episode of The A-Team again! This is even better than last time. They look around at what they've been locked up with, and build a proper A-Teamy device. The only thing missing is the theme tune. You've got to love how we're carefully shown each stage of bomb-building as well.

First you find a suitable vessel, put some water into it, and then secure the lid with thumbscrews.

Then you hang it from the doorhandle, and heat using your handy torches.

Retreat to a safe distance, and plot your next step whilst waiting.

And then it all goes ka-boom! and you make your escape.

To do a bit of enthusiastic creeping about in the castle.

Doug, meanwhile, has snuck off to talk to Guinevere's father, and get some troops from him.

Merlin disguises them all as Vikings, as this will apparently be better psychological warfare. And has absolutely nothing to do with them having to match the available stock footage of castle-storming.

Fight! Tony and Arthur despatch the guards on the roof.

Before Arthur nips down to tell Guinevere to be ready to be rescued. I'm not sure what the pointy finger is for. Just because he's king, maybe.
Guinevere looks less than impressed. Sensible girl.

Up on the roof, Tony signals to Doug to attack.

Then he hurries off to rescue Guinevere. No idea what Arthur's doing. He's probably lost.

But oh no! It's a man with a very silly hat.

Fight! Tony has a real struggle on his hands this time, but fortunately the head Viking helpfully throws himself onto his own sword in a fit of well-timed stupidity.

And Doug, Tony and Merlin watch legends being made.

Although I have no idea what on earth she sees in him.
Back in time tunnel HQ, meanwhile, things are not behaving as they should.

"Organise a check on all frequencies from one hundred to infinity!" orders Ray. Oh, okay. I'll get right on it. Gee, I'm glad I don't have to bother with those first hundred. That's sure to save some time.

But something has invaded the control room! What can it possibly be?

Kowalski from Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea, of course. Painted silver in line with galactic rules.

Kowalski from Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea kidnaps Ann in a flash of wiggly lightning.

Sent after him, Doug and Tony find themselves in a strange new world.

You've got to give the set builders some kudos. Although they really did have a strange fascination for rooms with no discernable walls. Practically every Irwin Allen alien civilisation seems to have them.

Greeting, Earthlings. Please make yourselves comfortable while we prepare to suck out your brains.

Another really lovely bit of set.

Lord High Silver Mc Smug has a shiny coffee table that speaks. To prove that he's all powerful, he gets the coffee table to give us a potted history of Tony's life. So finally we get to hear about that school of his! It was in Philadelphia, apparently. Boy, I bet he was glad to move there after Hawaii.

Locked up (again), Doug and Tony discuss escape plans.

This mostly involves stealing ray guns and then decimating the local population.

Tony really loves that ray gun. He's been hoping all season that he'll get to use one.

Sadly he doesn't get to keep it for very long, as the silver buggy people threaten to kill Ann if they don't behave.

And the writers manage to remember about the Doug/Ann thing again. This sort of continuity is almost unheard of in an Irwin Allen production, so marvel accordingly.

"We're just building up the power to get you out of there!" yells General Complete Idiot Kirk over the Magic Intercom Of Time. "Stay together! Hold onto her!" Oddly enough, the bad guys who are in the room right there next to Doug and Tony manage to hear this as well, and take Ann away. Well gosh, how unforeseeable.

They also send Silver Kowalski to steal a vital component from the time tunnel equipment banks, so that the team can't try anything else. Although it's not that vital, as it wasn't there when the terrorist fellow was planting his bomb in that exact same panel a few episodes ago.

Doug and Ann try to have a reunion, whilst beset by silver buggy creatures with ray guns, and the threat of being turned into mindless zombies in an alien museum.

The aliens' time and space machine.

Tony proves that he's smarter than General Kirk, by making sure that nobody can hear their new escape plan.

Which elicits a fabulous degree of sneaking.

They sneak here.

They sneak there.

They pose in carefully orchestrated sneakiness.

Then they capture ray guns! Hurrah!

But Silver Kowalski is also good at sneaking.

Drop your weapons, or I shall kill her with my Medallion Of Death!
Recaptured, the gang are roundly scolded by Lord High Beardy Silver, who can't understand their objection to being turned into zombies. But then sadly for His Silveriness, the sun goes down. His entire race are powered by light, so this is a mild inconvenience.

The gang have the duration of the night to find an escape route. This means a chance to play with the shiny, talking coffee table!

Ann is not impressed by Tony's scientific method, which mostly involves pressing anything pretty and glowing.

Ann has her own scientific method. Namely looking for the biggest and most interesting button, and then pouncing on it when she thinks it's not looking.

She and Doug then go and bond over their analysis of the time machine. They find that the entire alien culture is run by punch cards. Punch cards?! A fabulously futuristic race of high tech aliens, and they use punch cards?!
Mind you, I shouldn't be surprised. It's remarkable how many of these high tech civilisations still use reel-to-reel tape recorders as well.

Silver Kowalski is not asleep like the others. However Tony has stolen Lord High Silver's Medallion Of Death, and they blast at each other prettily.

Then Ann says goodbye, before running to make her escape in the alien time machine, armed with the missing bit of time tunnel equipment.
Or rather she doesn't. She pootles. "What if something happens?!" she wails. Doug insists that it won't, which is not only asking for trouble, it's also completely insane. Of course something will happen! When doesn't it?! And they're honestly expecting to be rescued by the time tunnel?! Are they mad?!

Oh, and she says goodbye to Tony as well.

Then everybody wakes up! Ray guns! Medallions Of Death! In the middle of it all, Ann makes her escape, but the gunplay has weakened something, and the time machine blows up.

Oh look. Something happened. Now there's a surprise.

Silver Chief demands that the boys be zombified immediately. Should have done that in the first reel, mate.

A buggy alien prepares to use an awesome piece of equipment on Tony.

Whilst Doug, struggling free, Medallion Of Deaths Lord Beardy Silver. Then - Ann having got back with the stolen component - the time tunnel zaps them away. Not home, predictably enough. Poor Ann!

Instead they're zapped to a deserty sort of place, where warring factions battle each other. But there's something else there as well.

It's a space fish with a ray gun! Hurrah!



Crikey! Next on The Time Tunnel, alien fish people and desert warriors, plus the fabulously named "Town Of Terror". I'm guessing there's not any actual terror, but that doesn't stop it from being a really good title nonetheless.
In the first episode, then, Merlin invades time tunnel HQ, and begins playing with Doug and Tony like his own personal chess pieces. This is a frustrating episode. Half of it is a great fun adventure. There's Vikings and battles and creeping about in castles, and of course there's the whole Arthurian legend to play about with. The boys get in real difficulties, and get really injured, and it makes properly dramatic and exciting viewing. Superimposed over the top, however, is a lot of nonsense about Merlin. I'm not objecting to the presence of a wizard. I didn't call myself Swordznsorcery for nothing. He's just written so terribly! He's annoying and childish, and his interruptions wind up being silly. Happily he can't ruin a good episode. He does hinder it rather, though.
And then we're off again, into an episode that really is silly, where Ann from time tunnel HQ is kidnapped, as bait to lure Doug and Tony into a trap. A race of silver beings (another one!) wants them as exhibits in a museum, and therefore plan to turn them into zombies. Doug and Tony would rather this didn't happen. Consequently there's lots of running around in a future, alien world, bedecked with splendid shiny things; whilst lots of buggy little silver aliens dash about the place with ray guns. It's so, so silly. Granted I wouldn't want it any different, but I reserve the right to giggle at it anyway.

Merlin does something zappy to the time tunnel.

This summons Doug and Tony back, and he waffles at them for half an hour before telling them that they won't remember any of it when they wake up. So why...? Never mind. He also tells them that they'll do whatever he asks. Presumably they will remember that bit.

A Viking!

Another Viking!

Fight!

More fighting!

King Arthur, allegedly. If this is The Once And Future King, then heaven help us all. He demands that Doug and Tony join his crusade against the Vikings.

... And why would we do this exactly?

Poor Arthur. He's clearly not used to being turned down. Although I can't imagine why.
Seriously, this is King Arthur?! They couldn't have hired anybody else?!

Fortunately for history (or a rough approximation of it), Merlin crops up and tells Doug and Tony to accept the job. So they do. And immediately...

Fight!

During the fight Doug gets poked in the shoulder. This apparently renders him dead. Or deadish.

Elsewhere, Tony and Arthur are outnumbered and overwhelmed. Tony seems remarkably unconcerned about Doug.

Although possibly he's too busy teleporting to notice what's happened.

Meet the Head Viking. Mr Head Viking has the most absurd hat ever. Where did he get those horns, for goodness sakes?! A Texas Longhorn? They're so big that they can only be seen properly when the camera pulls back.

Can't we have James Darren as King Arthur instead? It doesn't matter that he's American, really it doesn't.

Elsewhere, the writers have finally remembered that back in episode one they dropped hints about a relationship between Doug and tunnel HQ Ann. Certain that Doug is dead, Ann now begins to fall to pieces. I wouldn't usually care, it being tunnel HQ business and all, but it's nice to see them remember something that happened back in episode one.

Meanwhile, Tony is doing his "heating up the iron" trick again, and is able to snap his chain. He's lucky the Vikings are thoughtful enough to leave torches in the dungeons for their prisoners, isn't he. He's also very lucky that iron was clearly total rubbish back in the Dark Ages.

Not-Yet-Queen Guinevere. And her amazing Princess Leia hair.

She's been looking after Doug, who is not as dead as we had been led to believe. For a change.

Merlin pops up and cures him, so that he can go and fight some more Vikings for a bit.

Having set fire to his cell to get the guard's attention, Tony is also fighting Vikings. He rescues Arthur, and they sneak into a secret room to plan their next move.

However a Viking sees them, and rushes off to tell his Viking boss.

Doug and Guinevere plot how best to rescue Tony and Arthur.

Whilst Tony and Arthur bond in their secret hideaway.

Until they're interrupted. That may be a slight overkill of swords there.

Meanwhile, Doug is back fighting Vikings again, and having about as much success at it this time as last.

Captured, Guinevere is of no use.

Dangly!Tony.

Dangly!Doug.

Guinevere is menaced by the World's Silliest Hat. I was just wondering how on earth he gets through doors, when we get given a lovely example. Throw two of them open at once and hope for the best, would seem to be the answer.

Tony rouses, and is heartened to see Doug. "You are here. I thought I was dreaming," he says. Aw. Tony has dreams about Doug. Although it might be more cheering to have dreams where he isn't chained to a dungeon wall.

Really, honestly, anybody would be an improvement. Anybody. At all.

Everybody dangles. There's a pleasing lack of hope here. Tony and Arthur are clearly in a bad way. Tony even admits that they've "had a rough time", which coming from a man who claimed to be fine after being shot in the head, is probably saying a lot.

Things are about to get worse though, as the World's Silliest Hat turns up to mock them for a bit. It then orders them killed.

Which for some reason has to involve arrows. Wouldn't a sword be quicker, and a lot more practical?

Imminent shooting has brought out Tony's inner Marlon Brando.

Oh dear.

"I was delayed!" claims Merlin. How reassuring. Anyway, he turns back time to save Arthur, but claims that he can't break them out of the dungeon. There are rules, apparently. Hmm.

He does

And then we're in an episode of The A-Team again! This is even better than last time. They look around at what they've been locked up with, and build a proper A-Teamy device. The only thing missing is the theme tune. You've got to love how we're carefully shown each stage of bomb-building as well.

First you find a suitable vessel, put some water into it, and then secure the lid with thumbscrews.

Then you hang it from the doorhandle, and heat using your handy torches.

Retreat to a safe distance, and plot your next step whilst waiting.

And then it all goes ka-boom! and you make your escape.

To do a bit of enthusiastic creeping about in the castle.

Doug, meanwhile, has snuck off to talk to Guinevere's father, and get some troops from him.

Merlin disguises them all as Vikings, as this will apparently be better psychological warfare. And has absolutely nothing to do with them having to match the available stock footage of castle-storming.

Fight! Tony and Arthur despatch the guards on the roof.

Before Arthur nips down to tell Guinevere to be ready to be rescued. I'm not sure what the pointy finger is for. Just because he's king, maybe.
Guinevere looks less than impressed. Sensible girl.

Up on the roof, Tony signals to Doug to attack.

Then he hurries off to rescue Guinevere. No idea what Arthur's doing. He's probably lost.

But oh no! It's a man with a very silly hat.

Fight! Tony has a real struggle on his hands this time, but fortunately the head Viking helpfully throws himself onto his own sword in a fit of well-timed stupidity.

And Doug, Tony and Merlin watch legends being made.

Although I have no idea what on earth she sees in him.
Back in time tunnel HQ, meanwhile, things are not behaving as they should.

"Organise a check on all frequencies from one hundred to infinity!" orders Ray. Oh, okay. I'll get right on it. Gee, I'm glad I don't have to bother with those first hundred. That's sure to save some time.

But something has invaded the control room! What can it possibly be?

Kowalski from Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea, of course. Painted silver in line with galactic rules.

Kowalski from Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea kidnaps Ann in a flash of wiggly lightning.

Sent after him, Doug and Tony find themselves in a strange new world.

You've got to give the set builders some kudos. Although they really did have a strange fascination for rooms with no discernable walls. Practically every Irwin Allen alien civilisation seems to have them.

Greeting, Earthlings. Please make yourselves comfortable while we prepare to suck out your brains.

Another really lovely bit of set.

Lord High Silver Mc Smug has a shiny coffee table that speaks. To prove that he's all powerful, he gets the coffee table to give us a potted history of Tony's life. So finally we get to hear about that school of his! It was in Philadelphia, apparently. Boy, I bet he was glad to move there after Hawaii.

Locked up (again), Doug and Tony discuss escape plans.

This mostly involves stealing ray guns and then decimating the local population.

Tony really loves that ray gun. He's been hoping all season that he'll get to use one.

Sadly he doesn't get to keep it for very long, as the silver buggy people threaten to kill Ann if they don't behave.

And the writers manage to remember about the Doug/Ann thing again. This sort of continuity is almost unheard of in an Irwin Allen production, so marvel accordingly.

"We're just building up the power to get you out of there!" yells General Complete Idiot Kirk over the Magic Intercom Of Time. "Stay together! Hold onto her!" Oddly enough, the bad guys who are in the room right there next to Doug and Tony manage to hear this as well, and take Ann away. Well gosh, how unforeseeable.

They also send Silver Kowalski to steal a vital component from the time tunnel equipment banks, so that the team can't try anything else. Although it's not that vital, as it wasn't there when the terrorist fellow was planting his bomb in that exact same panel a few episodes ago.

Doug and Ann try to have a reunion, whilst beset by silver buggy creatures with ray guns, and the threat of being turned into mindless zombies in an alien museum.

The aliens' time and space machine.

Tony proves that he's smarter than General Kirk, by making sure that nobody can hear their new escape plan.

Which elicits a fabulous degree of sneaking.

They sneak here.

They sneak there.

They pose in carefully orchestrated sneakiness.

Then they capture ray guns! Hurrah!

But Silver Kowalski is also good at sneaking.

Drop your weapons, or I shall kill her with my Medallion Of Death!
Recaptured, the gang are roundly scolded by Lord High Beardy Silver, who can't understand their objection to being turned into zombies. But then sadly for His Silveriness, the sun goes down. His entire race are powered by light, so this is a mild inconvenience.

The gang have the duration of the night to find an escape route. This means a chance to play with the shiny, talking coffee table!

Ann is not impressed by Tony's scientific method, which mostly involves pressing anything pretty and glowing.

Ann has her own scientific method. Namely looking for the biggest and most interesting button, and then pouncing on it when she thinks it's not looking.

She and Doug then go and bond over their analysis of the time machine. They find that the entire alien culture is run by punch cards. Punch cards?! A fabulously futuristic race of high tech aliens, and they use punch cards?!
Mind you, I shouldn't be surprised. It's remarkable how many of these high tech civilisations still use reel-to-reel tape recorders as well.

Silver Kowalski is not asleep like the others. However Tony has stolen Lord High Silver's Medallion Of Death, and they blast at each other prettily.

Then Ann says goodbye, before running to make her escape in the alien time machine, armed with the missing bit of time tunnel equipment.
Or rather she doesn't. She pootles. "What if something happens?!" she wails. Doug insists that it won't, which is not only asking for trouble, it's also completely insane. Of course something will happen! When doesn't it?! And they're honestly expecting to be rescued by the time tunnel?! Are they mad?!

Oh, and she says goodbye to Tony as well.

Then everybody wakes up! Ray guns! Medallions Of Death! In the middle of it all, Ann makes her escape, but the gunplay has weakened something, and the time machine blows up.

Oh look. Something happened. Now there's a surprise.

Silver Chief demands that the boys be zombified immediately. Should have done that in the first reel, mate.

A buggy alien prepares to use an awesome piece of equipment on Tony.

Whilst Doug, struggling free, Medallion Of Deaths Lord Beardy Silver. Then - Ann having got back with the stolen component - the time tunnel zaps them away. Not home, predictably enough. Poor Ann!

Instead they're zapped to a deserty sort of place, where warring factions battle each other. But there's something else there as well.

It's a space fish with a ray gun! Hurrah!



Crikey! Next on The Time Tunnel, alien fish people and desert warriors, plus the fabulously named "Town Of Terror". I'm guessing there's not any actual terror, but that doesn't stop it from being a really good title nonetheless.
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