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I guess that was different. A future shark in a canal - either future sharks have taken a leaf out of the bull shark's book, and can breathe in freshwater as well as salt, or this was a freshwater species. Or possibly a future version of a river shark. Also a cluster of future seal things that looked a bit fake to say the least! All bouncing around an unidentified bit of wherever it is that the show is set, and causing an outbreak of stupidity amongst the cast. Stupidity and arguments. I was beginning to think that the show had completely lost the plot, when lo and behold, we had a final fifteen minutes involving giant creatures, last minute rescues, and Stephen being hilariously heroic (with a big gun). So I forgave all the stupidity and annoyances (up to a point), and decided that it was a good episode after all. Up to a point.
First up then, an anomaly opens up somewhere underground, and a boy is sucked into a storm drain. The gang turn up to find out what's been going on, and for some reason Jenny bloody Lewis is with them again. Why, I don't know. She follows them wherever they go, nearly gets eaten by whatever's in the area, looks broken and appalled, and then repeats the process weekly. Anyways, she falls in the canal, and a shark homes in. Sadly Stephen shoots it with a machine gun, and even more sadly, this is before it eats her. Still, Stephen + big gun is always good. Since the missing boy doesn't appear to be in the shark's stomach, off goes the gang for another look in the canal. And this is where the episode really began to fall apart. Firstly, Cutter's attitude. What's with him lately? He bitches constantly, and gives Stephen a hell of a hard time. They spent most of the episode acting like they're in the middle of a lovers' tiff. Nothing Stephen says is right, according to Cutter, and they barely look at each other. There's just lots of sighing and eyerolling. Given that Abby and Connor spent most of the episode in the middle of an actual lovers' tiff, this only goes to accentuate the impression that that's what's up with Cutter and Stephen. And whilst they do make a very nice couple, their bad days are not nearly as entertaining as their good ones. Sort it out, the pair of you. Quickly.
Anyway, Cutter goes all petulant and annoying, and sets off on his own. Firstly he recognises the Cleaner bloke who's been up to no good all series, pursues him on his own, and confronts him in an isolated place, unarmed. Since the Cleaner is twice Cutter's size, and has at least one gun, this isn't just stupid, it's gargantuanly moronic. When he comes to, some time later, Cutter then sets off to investigate something on his own again, and in the process manages to get Abby kidnapped by a giant future seal thing. This leads to lots of glaring, sucking of cheeks and further stupidity, as Cutter, insisting that he's learnt his lesson, and won't do things alone anymore, promptly sets off alone to look for whatever took Abby. As he and the missing boy from the start of the episode face death by multiple future seal thingies, and Connor goes off through an anomaly in the hope that that's where Abby's gone - there were quite a few other options, so it was a fairly big gamble - it's up to Stephen to save the day. And this, fortunately, is at least entertaining. Stephen has a miniature remote-controlled submarine, that he's been using to look for beasties in the canal. Through this, he sees that Cutter is in trouble, so collects weapons from assorted soldiers, and hurls himself into the water. We've already established that the submarine is in a channel that's barely big enough for it to pass through (it's about the size of a child's head), but that doesn't stop Stephen. Oh no. Fully-clothed, and with a machine gun in one hand and a pistol in the other, he swims underwater in pursuit of the submarine. Bugger knows how he finds it. In-built Cutter Detectors, I suspect. He surfaces, already shooting - again, those in-built Cutter Detectors no doubt, here enabling him to know instinctively where not to shoot - and then, barely pausing for breath, charges with Cutter through the anomaly, to arrive just in time to rescue Connor and Abby. Cue more shooting, some impressive posturing, and some dramatic close ups of Connor and his amazing superhuman thumbs. Damned impressive, those thumbs. Just one of them managed to prevent Abby from falling to her death, whilst Connor himself was busy doing other things. Telling Abby he loved her, mostly.
And then they all go off home, and Cutter and Stephen have another of their "Sorry about the tiff, and I love you really" moments. And then it turns out that Helen is behind the Leek and Caroline plot. Which is sort of a surprise, and sort of not. What she's up to, who knows. I do like the idea that there's this grand conspiracy going on, and the reason for it seems to be that Helen's royally pissed off at Cutter and Stephen. That's great. Manipulating people; potentially manipulating entire time zones; just because your boyfriends refuse to go to bed with you. Mostly because they're too busy going to bed with each other. Helen's awesome. And I've got to wonder just what those three used to get up to back in the pre-anomaly days, when they were just palaeontologists going on field trips. How did they not notice that one of them was a fabulously manipulative sociopath?! Still, you've got to love Helen. I hope she's in it more next week, as we've hardly seen her at all so far this season. Also the show is beginning to suck, and I need her to save it.
Pictures, then. Largely of beasties, and a scientist with a big, shouty gun.
Primeval. Love the guns, love the beasties.
Definitely don't love the clothes.
Future shark!
Big shouty gun!
Dead future shark. Oh.
Obviously a tiff.
Future seal thingy!
There's something behind me, isn't there...
Gulp.
Yep, that about covers it, Nick.
But help is at hand, in the shape of a scientist with a big shouty gun.
New this spring on ITV1: When Multiple Future Seal Beasties Attack.
Big shouty gun again!
Land Of The Future Seal Thingies.
Big shouty guns. Demonstratively the answer to everything.
Next week, possibly Eurypterid scorpion like thingies! And now it's way past 4am, and I should probably go to bed, maybe perhaps.
As soon as I've proof read all this nonsense, anyway...
First up then, an anomaly opens up somewhere underground, and a boy is sucked into a storm drain. The gang turn up to find out what's been going on, and for some reason Jenny bloody Lewis is with them again. Why, I don't know. She follows them wherever they go, nearly gets eaten by whatever's in the area, looks broken and appalled, and then repeats the process weekly. Anyways, she falls in the canal, and a shark homes in. Sadly Stephen shoots it with a machine gun, and even more sadly, this is before it eats her. Still, Stephen + big gun is always good. Since the missing boy doesn't appear to be in the shark's stomach, off goes the gang for another look in the canal. And this is where the episode really began to fall apart. Firstly, Cutter's attitude. What's with him lately? He bitches constantly, and gives Stephen a hell of a hard time. They spent most of the episode acting like they're in the middle of a lovers' tiff. Nothing Stephen says is right, according to Cutter, and they barely look at each other. There's just lots of sighing and eyerolling. Given that Abby and Connor spent most of the episode in the middle of an actual lovers' tiff, this only goes to accentuate the impression that that's what's up with Cutter and Stephen. And whilst they do make a very nice couple, their bad days are not nearly as entertaining as their good ones. Sort it out, the pair of you. Quickly.
Anyway, Cutter goes all petulant and annoying, and sets off on his own. Firstly he recognises the Cleaner bloke who's been up to no good all series, pursues him on his own, and confronts him in an isolated place, unarmed. Since the Cleaner is twice Cutter's size, and has at least one gun, this isn't just stupid, it's gargantuanly moronic. When he comes to, some time later, Cutter then sets off to investigate something on his own again, and in the process manages to get Abby kidnapped by a giant future seal thing. This leads to lots of glaring, sucking of cheeks and further stupidity, as Cutter, insisting that he's learnt his lesson, and won't do things alone anymore, promptly sets off alone to look for whatever took Abby. As he and the missing boy from the start of the episode face death by multiple future seal thingies, and Connor goes off through an anomaly in the hope that that's where Abby's gone - there were quite a few other options, so it was a fairly big gamble - it's up to Stephen to save the day. And this, fortunately, is at least entertaining. Stephen has a miniature remote-controlled submarine, that he's been using to look for beasties in the canal. Through this, he sees that Cutter is in trouble, so collects weapons from assorted soldiers, and hurls himself into the water. We've already established that the submarine is in a channel that's barely big enough for it to pass through (it's about the size of a child's head), but that doesn't stop Stephen. Oh no. Fully-clothed, and with a machine gun in one hand and a pistol in the other, he swims underwater in pursuit of the submarine. Bugger knows how he finds it. In-built Cutter Detectors, I suspect. He surfaces, already shooting - again, those in-built Cutter Detectors no doubt, here enabling him to know instinctively where not to shoot - and then, barely pausing for breath, charges with Cutter through the anomaly, to arrive just in time to rescue Connor and Abby. Cue more shooting, some impressive posturing, and some dramatic close ups of Connor and his amazing superhuman thumbs. Damned impressive, those thumbs. Just one of them managed to prevent Abby from falling to her death, whilst Connor himself was busy doing other things. Telling Abby he loved her, mostly.
And then they all go off home, and Cutter and Stephen have another of their "Sorry about the tiff, and I love you really" moments. And then it turns out that Helen is behind the Leek and Caroline plot. Which is sort of a surprise, and sort of not. What she's up to, who knows. I do like the idea that there's this grand conspiracy going on, and the reason for it seems to be that Helen's royally pissed off at Cutter and Stephen. That's great. Manipulating people; potentially manipulating entire time zones; just because your boyfriends refuse to go to bed with you. Mostly because they're too busy going to bed with each other. Helen's awesome. And I've got to wonder just what those three used to get up to back in the pre-anomaly days, when they were just palaeontologists going on field trips. How did they not notice that one of them was a fabulously manipulative sociopath?! Still, you've got to love Helen. I hope she's in it more next week, as we've hardly seen her at all so far this season. Also the show is beginning to suck, and I need her to save it.
Pictures, then. Largely of beasties, and a scientist with a big, shouty gun.
Primeval. Love the guns, love the beasties.
Definitely don't love the clothes.
Future shark!
Big shouty gun!
Dead future shark. Oh.
Obviously a tiff.
Future seal thingy!
There's something behind me, isn't there...
Gulp.
Yep, that about covers it, Nick.
But help is at hand, in the shape of a scientist with a big shouty gun.
New this spring on ITV1: When Multiple Future Seal Beasties Attack.
Big shouty gun again!
Land Of The Future Seal Thingies.
Big shouty guns. Demonstratively the answer to everything.
Next week, possibly Eurypterid scorpion like thingies! And now it's way past 4am, and I should probably go to bed, maybe perhaps.
As soon as I've proof read all this nonsense, anyway...
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