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Episode 1x04: "A Case Of Lemmings"
A car speeds over a cliff, a man jumps off a train, and a third man steps in front of a car. Three Interpol agents, apparently unconnected, and none of them suicidal, have killed themselves in the space of a few days. Tremayne has inherited the case from Interpol, and sets his three pet superheroes to work on it. Needless to say, this being The Champions, this involves vast amounts of international travel, all without leaving the comfort of the Elstree studios in England.
First stop France. Richard meets a girl who used to date Inexplicable Suicide III, in a little apartment block that leads off a very distinctive bit of road that Richard drove by just last week. Except then it was in Geneva. If you're going to re-use sets, guys, you may want to make them slightly less distinctive. The girl can't tell Richard a great deal, but somebody is obviously afraid that she might know something. After he leaves, a strange man turns up to speak to her, and a short while later she throws herself into a river. The gang are even more determined now to find out what's going on.
On a train. I suspect that this is supposed to indicate that said train is in France.
Inexplicable Suicide II leaps out. Poor dear, it's put her right off her sandwich.
It's a chess piece, Craig.
I have no idea what Richard is doing here. Tracing bits of map, yes, but why?!
The rest of what proves to be a very ugly chess set. The ability to play really good chess is another Champions skill, apparently.
An urgent meeting in a box room. The team find that they are just going around in circles, and failing to add anything to what Interpol has already discovered. Although they might find out more if they actually did some work.
And then they get landed with a dead girlfriend. Richard blames himself for her death, which makes the case personal.
Tremayne is unsympathetic, however, and tells them that they've only got two days.
Ah yes. It is France.
Or France in a manner of speaking, anyway. There's really no point hailing a taxi, Craig, they're not allowed in the studio.
Another Champions skill - speed reading. Richard and Sharron have uncovered information that links the agents to a mobster named Tony Del Marco, and Craig's newspaper reports the death-by-apparent-suicide of Del Marco's main rival. They have a suspect at last. All they have to do now is goad him into trying to kill one of them. Surely a foolproof plan.
That is not a mobster. That is Mr Meaker from Rentaghost.
Operation: Get One Of Us Killed begins in Rome. Sharron and Richard go to Mr Meaker's casino, where Richard gets himself thrown out for acting like a loudmouthed boor. This leaves Sharron to turn the charm on with Mr Meaker, although I'm not terribly sure why. It doesn't serve any real purpose other than making her hair scary. Craig lurks nearby, meanwhile, and eventually announces to Mr Meaker that he's the brother of a recently murdered cop. He blames Meaker, and he's out for revenge. This plan, it has to be said, is so insane that it's worthy of Hannibal Smith. In fact I think he may even have tried a variation of it once - although of course he always dangles Face in front of the crooks, rather than himself. Meaker eventually gets annoyed with the pesky American, and orders his death by handy 'suicide'. I'm not sure which is most insane at this point - deliberately setting yourself up to get murdered, or, knowing that you're a target for a fiendish new form of assassination, saying “I'm just going out for a walk!", and then heading off all on your own. Sometimes I do have to wonder how Craig passed the psychological screening to join Nemesis.
Sharron and her oddly scary hair take refuge in a casino belonging to Tony Del Meaker.
Who is clearly attracted to ladies with peculiar hair arrangements.
Richard gets himself thrown out, partly to help Sharron get in with Mr Meaker, but mostly just for fun.
After settling down for an evening with her new date, Sharron tries to draw his attention to the very tall American who keeps glaring at him from the bar.
Apparently her hair grows when she gets agitated. Is this another super power?
Mr Meaker needs more persuading about the deadly dangers of very tall Americans, so Sharron follows him home. She announces that his apartment is 'spectacular'.
'Hideous' might be more to the point.
Yep, definitely Rome. Just checking.
Craig tries out for the new Bond.
Mr Meaker does not like to be shot at. He plots revenge.
Blissfully unconcerned about any form of danger ever, Craig goes for a stroll. Yes, I'm definitely convinced that he's really in Italy. There's just one little thing missing, though.
Yep, that's it.
Totally convinced now.
As Craig sits in a little coffee shop, one of Del Meaker's men comes in to talk to him and, whilst shaking his hand, transfers across a small amount of a blue chemical. Craig immediately starts to feel odd, and it turns out that even superhumans can't fight off weird blue drugs. Richard and Sharron are aware that something is up with him, but because of his hugely helpful little stroll, they don't have a clue where he is. They attempt to triangulate his position based on where it felt like his 'I'm in trouble' vibes were coming from - and happily 'It felt like it was coming from somewhere over there' proves to be accurate enough. They close in, just as Craig finds himself a nice high roof to jump off, reaching him just in time. Having been saved, he now shows off how not dead he is in front of the bad guys, allowing Mr Meaker to neatly hang himself by admitting to everything in a furious tirade about the inefficacy of weird blue drugs. He even has his weird blue drug pusher shot for uselessness, but in a fit of pique, the dying man infects him. Mr Meaker promptly jumps off his balcony. Case closed, if not exactly neatly.
Richard and Sharron, both of whom have chosen to co-ordinate with the curtains, attempt to figure out where Craig has got to.
Whilst Craig tries to fight the urge to leap off buildings that are even taller than he is.
Richard gets to him just in time, which is just as well. Imagine spending the rest of eternity in white trousers. Although Marty Hopkirk seemed to like it.
Another of those not-at-all slashy moments.
Their healing abilities seem a bit slapdash. In episode one, Craig was shot, but healed quickly. Here he's bashed up his knuckles a bit, but apparently needs them bandaged.
Mr Meaker and his hideous smoking jacket are not impressed by the non-deadness of Craig.
Here's that smoking jacket again in more detail. No, there's no need to thank me.
Richard crashes through a door, and apparently rather enjoys it.
Aerial Richard!
And a less jubilantly aerial Mr Meaker. Never mind. Maybe Mr Claypole will catch you.
Crikey. Craig really is tall.
All in all, the gang are slightly less than pleased with the way this one has turned out, although Craig is quite happy that the secret of the weird blue drug is now lost forever. Somewhat oddly, the others seemed to like the idea of having it.
Sadly all this leads to a very lame ending, with a spectacularly cheesy last line, but you can't have everything.
A car speeds over a cliff, a man jumps off a train, and a third man steps in front of a car. Three Interpol agents, apparently unconnected, and none of them suicidal, have killed themselves in the space of a few days. Tremayne has inherited the case from Interpol, and sets his three pet superheroes to work on it. Needless to say, this being The Champions, this involves vast amounts of international travel, all without leaving the comfort of the Elstree studios in England.
First stop France. Richard meets a girl who used to date Inexplicable Suicide III, in a little apartment block that leads off a very distinctive bit of road that Richard drove by just last week. Except then it was in Geneva. If you're going to re-use sets, guys, you may want to make them slightly less distinctive. The girl can't tell Richard a great deal, but somebody is obviously afraid that she might know something. After he leaves, a strange man turns up to speak to her, and a short while later she throws herself into a river. The gang are even more determined now to find out what's going on.
On a train. I suspect that this is supposed to indicate that said train is in France.
Inexplicable Suicide II leaps out. Poor dear, it's put her right off her sandwich.
It's a chess piece, Craig.
I have no idea what Richard is doing here. Tracing bits of map, yes, but why?!
The rest of what proves to be a very ugly chess set. The ability to play really good chess is another Champions skill, apparently.
An urgent meeting in a box room. The team find that they are just going around in circles, and failing to add anything to what Interpol has already discovered. Although they might find out more if they actually did some work.
And then they get landed with a dead girlfriend. Richard blames himself for her death, which makes the case personal.
Tremayne is unsympathetic, however, and tells them that they've only got two days.
Ah yes. It is France.
Or France in a manner of speaking, anyway. There's really no point hailing a taxi, Craig, they're not allowed in the studio.
Another Champions skill - speed reading. Richard and Sharron have uncovered information that links the agents to a mobster named Tony Del Marco, and Craig's newspaper reports the death-by-apparent-suicide of Del Marco's main rival. They have a suspect at last. All they have to do now is goad him into trying to kill one of them. Surely a foolproof plan.
That is not a mobster. That is Mr Meaker from Rentaghost.
Operation: Get One Of Us Killed begins in Rome. Sharron and Richard go to Mr Meaker's casino, where Richard gets himself thrown out for acting like a loudmouthed boor. This leaves Sharron to turn the charm on with Mr Meaker, although I'm not terribly sure why. It doesn't serve any real purpose other than making her hair scary. Craig lurks nearby, meanwhile, and eventually announces to Mr Meaker that he's the brother of a recently murdered cop. He blames Meaker, and he's out for revenge. This plan, it has to be said, is so insane that it's worthy of Hannibal Smith. In fact I think he may even have tried a variation of it once - although of course he always dangles Face in front of the crooks, rather than himself. Meaker eventually gets annoyed with the pesky American, and orders his death by handy 'suicide'. I'm not sure which is most insane at this point - deliberately setting yourself up to get murdered, or, knowing that you're a target for a fiendish new form of assassination, saying “I'm just going out for a walk!", and then heading off all on your own. Sometimes I do have to wonder how Craig passed the psychological screening to join Nemesis.
Sharron and her oddly scary hair take refuge in a casino belonging to Tony Del Meaker.
Who is clearly attracted to ladies with peculiar hair arrangements.
Richard gets himself thrown out, partly to help Sharron get in with Mr Meaker, but mostly just for fun.
After settling down for an evening with her new date, Sharron tries to draw his attention to the very tall American who keeps glaring at him from the bar.
Apparently her hair grows when she gets agitated. Is this another super power?
Mr Meaker needs more persuading about the deadly dangers of very tall Americans, so Sharron follows him home. She announces that his apartment is 'spectacular'.
'Hideous' might be more to the point.
Yep, definitely Rome. Just checking.
Craig tries out for the new Bond.
Mr Meaker does not like to be shot at. He plots revenge.
Blissfully unconcerned about any form of danger ever, Craig goes for a stroll. Yes, I'm definitely convinced that he's really in Italy. There's just one little thing missing, though.
Yep, that's it.
Totally convinced now.
As Craig sits in a little coffee shop, one of Del Meaker's men comes in to talk to him and, whilst shaking his hand, transfers across a small amount of a blue chemical. Craig immediately starts to feel odd, and it turns out that even superhumans can't fight off weird blue drugs. Richard and Sharron are aware that something is up with him, but because of his hugely helpful little stroll, they don't have a clue where he is. They attempt to triangulate his position based on where it felt like his 'I'm in trouble' vibes were coming from - and happily 'It felt like it was coming from somewhere over there' proves to be accurate enough. They close in, just as Craig finds himself a nice high roof to jump off, reaching him just in time. Having been saved, he now shows off how not dead he is in front of the bad guys, allowing Mr Meaker to neatly hang himself by admitting to everything in a furious tirade about the inefficacy of weird blue drugs. He even has his weird blue drug pusher shot for uselessness, but in a fit of pique, the dying man infects him. Mr Meaker promptly jumps off his balcony. Case closed, if not exactly neatly.
Richard and Sharron, both of whom have chosen to co-ordinate with the curtains, attempt to figure out where Craig has got to.
Whilst Craig tries to fight the urge to leap off buildings that are even taller than he is.
Richard gets to him just in time, which is just as well. Imagine spending the rest of eternity in white trousers. Although Marty Hopkirk seemed to like it.
Another of those not-at-all slashy moments.
Their healing abilities seem a bit slapdash. In episode one, Craig was shot, but healed quickly. Here he's bashed up his knuckles a bit, but apparently needs them bandaged.
Mr Meaker and his hideous smoking jacket are not impressed by the non-deadness of Craig.
Here's that smoking jacket again in more detail. No, there's no need to thank me.
Richard crashes through a door, and apparently rather enjoys it.
Aerial Richard!
And a less jubilantly aerial Mr Meaker. Never mind. Maybe Mr Claypole will catch you.
Crikey. Craig really is tall.
All in all, the gang are slightly less than pleased with the way this one has turned out, although Craig is quite happy that the secret of the weird blue drug is now lost forever. Somewhat oddly, the others seemed to like the idea of having it.
Sadly all this leads to a very lame ending, with a spectacularly cheesy last line, but you can't have everything.
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